TFIOS PewDieCry Oneshot
by dontcallmefrankly
Summary: Loosely based on The Fault in our Stars. For: LovelyJamJam I hope you like it.


**PewDieCry – The Fault in Our Stars Oneshot**

_**Felix**_

It wasn't too long after my sixteenth birthday my mother decided to enroll me into a support group. She thought I was depressed, and I suppose I was, but that didn't mean I wanted to spend my time talking to other depressed people about all of our depressing problems.

And boy, _was_ it depressing.

The first time I went there were ten of us. I sat cross-legged and stared at the worn floorboards in the old church as absently as I could, trying to let all the sad stories wash over me and away, trying not to let my ankles get too sore from sitting on that hard wooden floor. When it was my turn I simply went through the motions. Name: Felix Kjellberg. Age: Sixteen – the third oldest besides the irritatingly chirpy group leader, Collin. Diagnosis: Stage 4 Thyroid cancer and Mets in my lungs. Very fun stuff. Collin made us go around and around the circle, every time a new story would come up, a new worry would be voiced. A couple of them even talked about death, even though most of us weren't actually going to die any time soon.

I suppose I shouldn't say that though, seeing as one of them didn't come back next session.

This went on for about a month, maybe close to two. Every two days. Same routine every time. Only ever varying when we had a newcomer and had to repeat all of our names. God… It got me down more than sitting alone in my room reading the same things over and over and playing the same games again and again. The only reason I went was to appease my mother and to hang out with this guy called Ken. He had a weird, rare sort of cancer in his eyes, and it was likely that he was going to lose one or both of them. Even though it was potentially deadly it made one of his eyes look like a swirling chocolate vortex, accentuated by his broken, damaged iris. After the first couple of sessions the Collin placed us on either side of the circle so we wouldn't disrupt the group with our incessant background chatter. A fond topic of Ken's was the oxygen tank I carried around with me. I wheeled it around behind me in a lame-ass little trolley that my dad had put flame stickers on when I was eleven. I wished I didn't have to use it, but I'm pretty sure my lungs would collapse in on themselves or something if I left it at home. Every time we met, Ken never failed to poke fun at me for not being able to breathe on my own. I'd act mad and make fun of his practically nonexistent sense of vision – plus his whacky, bug-eye glasses – and we'd both laugh, then we'd go and join the grudgingly boring and despondent group of people waiting in that stupid little circle.

Once the first two months of 'group therapy' was up, we had a sudden, massive loss. One day there was the ten of us that had been there for the last week or so, then suddenly there was nine. Then seven. Then five. Just like that. Five of us just died. I'm more than glad to say that Ken was spared by Death's mighty scythe. From then on the Collin let us sit together.

To fill up the circle again, and presumably to make losing so many people seem less significant or damaging, a bunch of new people joined the support group. There was one boy in particular who caught my attention. To this day I don't know why I picked him out of the five or six new kids to the group. Most people would probably disagree with me when I say that he was, for lack of a better word, hot as all hell. He had thick, shaggy brown hair that hung low over his forehead to shadow a soft pair of hazel eyes. He was positively doe eyed and it was almost too much for me to handle. I didn't realise I was staring at him until we made eye contact, and I mentally kicked myself for being such a creep, but he simply flashed me an easygoing smile and slumped to the floor across from me. The way he sat made me feel stupid about my own position, straight-backed and cross-legged as I was… He stuck one leg out in front of him and drew his other knee up to drape his arm over it nonchalantly. He had his other hand resting on the floor behind him to support his weight. I adjusted my long, cursedly lanky legs in an attempt to look more relaxed, like him, and Ken gave me a funny look. I merely shrugged him off and tried to hide the shameful blush spreading across my face. I saw Ken smirking out of the corner of my eye and I pulled an irritated face, which only served to make his cheeky grin grow wider.

Collin started the session and told us all that we'd start by introducing ourselves. Again. I let out a sigh and earned myself a grating look. We went around the circle and told each other who we were and why we were there. Name: Felix Kjellberg. Age: Sixteen. Diagnosis: Stage 4 Thyroid cancer and Mets in my lungs. Nothing had changed. One of the new girls asked what Mets was and I told her that it just meant my cancer was spreading around my body, and I swear I've never had anyone give me such a heartbreaking look in my entire life. It was sobering, to be honest. We kept going around the circle and eventually we reached the young girl. Alenna. Twelve. Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma in her chest. Tough break, kid. She was looking shyly down at her lap as she spoke, but looked up when she was done. Our eyes immediately met and I gave her an understanding and sympathetic nod. She nodded back gratefully. It was always hard seeing younger kids in that circle.

After Alenna was the hazel eyed boy. He was staring at Alenna with an utterly crushed expression on his face, and he had to be brought back to reality by Collin's teeth-grindingly cheerful voice and a nudge from the guy next to him. He jolted, whipping his head around the group before composing himself once more, and cleared his throat before beginning his introduction.

"I'm Ryan Terry, but I'd prefer to be called Cry. I'm sixteen, and I have Osteosarcoma." He announced it as if he'd said it a thousand times. I didn't know what Osteosarcoma was exactly – I didn't know much about any cancers that weren't my own – but I wasn't left wondering for long. He noticed my confused expression and added that it was a type of bone cancer. I tilted my head curiously and he gave me another smile, this time a lot more friendly.

When the session was over everyone shuffled out of the church with all their belongings like they usually did. I had to wrestle with my oxygen trolley a little to get it moving – I needed to get dad to oil up the wheels – and powerwalked to catch up with Ken, who had lovingly left me behind. I got out to the parking lot and peered into the dimness beyond the church's lights to find my friend. I spotted him walking hurriedly towards his parents' car, waving at me over his shoulder. He called out that he was in a hurry and would call me later, but I just rolled my eyes and waved back in good humour. He never _ever_ called.

The car park quickly emptied until it seemed like I was the only one left. I'll admit, I was a little nervous standing there on my own. The paved lot was downright eerie when it was empty like that. I was just about to get my phone out of my pocket and text my dad when I heard someone come out of the church behind me. I tried to act calm as I turned around, but I'm pretty sure the whites of my eyes were showing big time as my gaze settled on Cry. I let out my pent up breath and greeted him warmly. He nodded at me and stuck his hands under his arms to fend off the chill growing in the air. He hobbled forward to stand beside me and I noticed he had an uneven gait. I asked him why that was, but he just shrugged me off with a simple word.

"Cancer."

I immediately felt bad – I should have expected that – but I didn't bother apologizing. I've learned a lot since my cancer turned serious, and one thing is that cancer patients rarely bother with apologies. At least not in my support group. Cry didn't seem to mind that I stayed silent. In fact it almost seemed like he felt bad himself. He turned towards me, as if to say something, but at that moment my mum pulled into the car park, drifting to a light stop in front of us. I stammered a stupid, redundant goodbye and gave Cry a shy wave before practically diving into the passenger seat and slamming the door. My whole face went red as we drove away and my mum gave me the knowing look that parents always do when they notice you have a crush. She asked me who I'd been standing with and I just shook my head and tried to organise my trolley and tank without hurting myself. This was why I should get into the car carefully.

I retreated to my room almost as soon as we got home and didn't come out at all, except to raid the cupboard for some biscuits. My older brother gave me a weird look when he saw me sneaking back upstairs with an armload of shortbread and oxygen, but he didn't say a word. He simply walked away, shaking his head in good humour. I dumped my biscuits on my duvet and shut and locked my bedroom door. Mum and dad didn't like it being locked – they were always worried that something would happen to me and they'd have to break it down or something – but at that moment I didn't really care. I wanted to be alone.

The night I met Cry was long and fitful. I stayed up long past midnight trying to take my mind off of the beautiful brown haired boy and get some much needed sleep.

The next couple of months passed by as Cry and I got closer and closer. Mum let me stay home from school as long as I promised to get all my homework and stuff done, though I honestly didn't see the point in school anymore. I just did it for my parents. They always said that I needed to keep up my grades because I'd regret it otherwise once I've recovered. Like that's going to happen. I was always a lot more pessimistic about the cancer than my parents and doctors were. I'd long ago become resigned to the fact that I was probably going to die in the next few years. That was why I put so much time into hanging out with Cry and Ken. Especially Cry. Even though there wasn't any change in my condition, but I knew very well that cancer could turn on you at any moment. I wasn't going to sacrifice my time with Cry for something as redundant as school.

It had been almost two and half months since I met Cry and, as usual, Friday eventually rolled around and it was time for another session. Mum dropped me off at the church, telling me she'd be back at the usual time, and I went inside. I sat down at my usual spot in the circle to wait for Ken, but he didn't show. Everyone filed in and took their seats, but Ken wasn't among them. A hard lump formed in my throat as I started to get panicky. Where was he? Collin noticed my frantic gaze darting about the small room, and he quickly announced to all of us that Ken couldn't make it because he was on his way to a wedding with his parents. I heaved a loud sigh of relief that earned me a couple of glances and let my head fall into my hands. Someone looped an arm around my shoulders and I looked up to see Cry. I hadn't even heard him come in. Collin started the session, but Cry ignored him completely.

"You okay?" He asked softly, his voice barely audible.

"Y-yeah." I stammered quietly, totally _not_ okay. "I was expecting him to be here... that's all." Cry gave me a small smile and took my hand.

"Don't worry. Ken's fine." He murmured. I stared at our linked hands, kind of stunned. Cry had never even hinted that he might _like_ me. Though I was sure my feelings had been pretty plain since we became friends. I looked up at him, hoping to meet his eyes, but he was listening to one of the other cancer patients talk about his treatment.

After the session Cry helped me to my feet and held my hand all the way to the church doors. I saw Collin give us a funny look, but I tried to ignore it. Instead I focused on Cry's warm hand curled around my own. He followed my gaze and saw Collin's stare, and tugged me outside.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Cry asked softly as we stood under the bright church lights, waiting for our respective rides.

"Yeah… I don't know."

"What's wrong?"

"It's just… I always thought of Ken as invincible, you know? I never even considered that he might not show up for one of these things one day." I murmured sadly. Cry squeezed my hand and I looked up to see he was giving me a little smile.

"You shouldn't worry about those sorts of things. It'll drive you mad." He said softly.

"I know… I just can't help it. I always come up with the worst possible scenarios and then think about them so much I blow them out of proportion even more." I explained, voice edged with exasperation.

"What a handy habit." Cry jested, making me laugh despite my low mood. We fell into a comfortable silence for a while. I shivered a little in the cool air and Cry adjusted his grip on my hand. I glanced up at him shyly and he looked down at me from the corner of his eye. Suddenly feeling quite anxious and out of place, I started chattering on about Tomb Raider like an idiot – a game I'd just finished for the third time. It was a tactic I often used when I started to feel anxious. Cry simply chuckled and tugged me closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders in one deft movement. My heart leapt into my throat, my voice cut off mid-word and my legs started to quiver as I inhaled the sweet, practically edible scent of his cologne. My mind was racing as I struggled to find something, anything, to say to break the tension I was feeling, but I was at a total loss for words.

As Cry gently traced his fingers up and down my arm I started to relax a little, as usual. By the time I saw mum's headlights coming into the darkened parking lot I'd looped my own arm around Cry's waist and we were basically cuddling in the chill air outside the church. Mum pulled up directly in front of us and I shyly pulled away from Cry.

"I'll see you next session?" I asked timidly. He grinned as I stepped away from him, carting my tank behind me.

"Why wait until next time?" He asked, completely taking me by surprise.

"Wha-"

"What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Uh… n-nothing…"

"Why don't we catch a movie? We can go to the cinema, or if there's nothing good, we can just hang out at home."

"Oh, yeah. I-I'd love to." I stammered, my cheeks growing hot.

"Great. I'll text you in the morning and we'll figure something out." He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my cheek and I almost collapsed just as my brother leaned out of the car and called for me to 'hurry my ass up'. I went scarlet and waved goodbye before hopping into the backseat to be driven home.

Mum and Jared chattered away for the drive, while I leaned back in my seat and stared dreamily out the window at the streetlights whizzing by.

When we got home I dumped my cart by the door and ran upstairs to my room with my tank in my arms. I dumped it on my bed and flopped down after it, overcome with butterflies and nerves. I couldn't believe this was happening. After a while, I heard footsteps down the hall and my door opened to reveal my smiling mother. She nudged the door open with her elbow and handed me a piping hot cup of cocoa. I thanked her and carefully swirled the marshmallow around with my finger to get it to melt faster. Mum set her own cocoa down on my bedside table and took a seat beside me.

"So are you going to tell me who that boy is now? Or am I going to have to do some sleuthing?" She asked inquisitively. I crossed my legs under me and shrugged.

"He's just a friend." I replied, a shy smile betraying me. Mum chuckled and rolled her eyes at me good humouredly.

"Oh, really?" She said slyly. "And I guess you kiss all of your friends."

"His name's Cry." I finally sighed, earning myself a satisfied look from mum. "We're going to hang out tomorrow night… He wants to take me to a movie."

"Isn't that exciting?" Mum exclaimed happily, swatting me on the leg for emphasis. I simply shrugged and grinned shyly down at my cocoa. "I'll leave you to play your video games or whatever you planned to do tonight, dear. If you need me, I'll be downstairs." With that she got to her feet and kissed my forehead before taking her cocoa and leaving, pulling my door closed behind her.

I gingerly sipped my cocoa and thought about seeing Cry the next day. I was bubbling with excitement and nerves in equal measure and I had no idea how I could calm myself down. After much fidgeting and indecision I decided to take mum's advice and boot up my PC.

I managed to kill a few hours playing video games until I got tired enough to go to bed. Even though I was tired, it took me hours to fall asleep. I laid there tossing and turning, thinking about Cry and how he felt about me.

I woke up late the next morning. I'd been up for a ridiculously long time obsessing and overthinking my date with Cry that night. I groggily rolled over, careful not to tangle myself in my tubes, and grabbed my phone from my bedside table. 10:54 am. I sighed and wearily dragged myself out of bed. Dad and Jarred would have left by now to work and school, respectively of course, so I went looking for mum. I wandered into the kitchen and found a note taped to the fridge.

_I've gone out to run a few errands. Should be back in about an hour. Call if you need me, dear. Love, mum xx_

I smiled and went about making some breakfast. I sat down in front of the TV with a bowl of coco pops to watch what was left of the morning cartoons. After a while my attention wandered to my phone and, inevitably, back to Cry. I wondered when he'd message me… By the time I finished my cereal I wasn't any closer to a decision, so I decided to take a shower and clear my head.

As the piping hot water rushed down my back, forming rivulets and waves around my feet, I tried to let go of my nerves. I imagined myself scrubbing away all my worries, watching them run down the drain with the soapy water. My fingers were like prunes when I eventually got out.

I had a flash of blind courage as I was getting dressed, and I sent Cry a quick text before it faded away; I didn't even have my jeans all the way up.

_Hey Cry. It's Felix. Wondering if we're still on for tonight?_

My anxiety started to build up again as I waited for him to reply. I knew I had to do something to keep myself occupied but there really wasn't anything. I tried watching TV for a while, but it didn't distract me enough. I was obsessing and worrying about the stupidest things. Did I say too much? Or too little? Should I have added a smiley face? Should I have been more assertive? Did I text him too early? Or too late? Should I have just waited for him to text me first? My hands flew to my phone when it finally went off. I opened the messaged before the tone had even ended.

_Hey! Of course we're still on. I've got a couple of things to take care of, but if you're not busy I can come pick you up and we could hang out at my place or something before we go to that movie?_

A lump formed in my chest and I bit my lip as I typed a hasty reply.

_Sure, sounds good. I'm at 116 Mitchell Terrace._

His reply came soon after.

_Great! I'll see you in an hour or so?_

My heart beat faster as the lump moved into my throat.

_Yeah, sounds good. See you then!_

I rested my phone against my lips and sunk into my chair. I could barely contain the giant, gleeful smile that was spreading across my face. The smile dropped from my face when I looked down at myself. Paint-stained track suit pants and a colossally old hand-me-down Metallica shirt? Not exactly a date worthy outfit. In fact I probably wouldn't venture further than my mailbox wearing something like this.

I dashed upstairs as quickly as I could manage and tore open my closet doors. A few crumpled shirts fell to the floor by my feet and I silently cursed how untidy I was. After a _lot_ of digging I finally found a pair of acid washed jeans that weren't too crinkled, and an overlarge sweater with a white collar sewn into the neckline. I smoothed out the soft red wool in front of my mirror and sighed. As usual, this was about as good as it was going to get. I dug around in my drawers for a pair of socks then jogged downstairs to pull on a faded pair of canvas lace-ups. I scratched the back of my neck thoughtfully as I looked at my feet. The ridiculous notion that Cry would hate me after this date had crept into my mind and I couldn't seem to shake it off. Was this even a date? Was I being too presumptuous…? I sighed exasperatedly and shook my head, hard. I had to stop being so negative and worrisome. A loud chime broke the silence and I jumped in fright before hastily rushing over to answer the door.

"Hey, Cry." I said meekly, giving him a little wave.

"Hey, Felix." He replied. He chuckled at my nervousness and asked if I was ready. I nodded, lip firmly pressed between my teeth, and he led the way out to his car.

"Oh wait!" I stopped in my tracks, almost tripping over my own feet. "I need to leave a note for mum!" I jogged back inside and set my oxygen tank on the bench, grabbed a pen from the tin and quickly scribbled down a note for mum.

_Cry and I decided to leave early. I don't know when I'll be home, but I have my phone on me._

_Love, Felix. _

After a moment's indecision I decided to grab a fresh tank while I was still inside. I closed the valve on top of the one I was using and I almost immediately felt that familiar tightness in my chest. Being careful not to overexert myself I put the tank with the others to be refilled and I grabbed a fresh one from a higher shelf. I plugged in the appropriate tubes and turned the valve, and the pressure and pain in my chest eased up. It seemed a little worse than usual, but I chalked it up to how nervous I was and went back outside.

"Sorry about that." I said to Cry as I got into the passenger seat of his car.

"Don't worry about it." He replied with an easy grin. I settled back in my seat and tried not to let my cheeks flush.

Cry and I made idle small talk as we drove to the cinema. I felt pretty out of place in his car – I'd never been on an honest-to-goodness date before – but Cry was so laid back and welcoming that I quickly started to relax.

A few people gave me questioning or pitiful looks as Cry and I entered the cinema and approached the ticket counter. Without a word he took my hand and pulled me a little closer. I looked up at him, filled to bursting with an emotion I couldn't place, but he had his gaze focused on the bulletin board above the counter.

"What should we see?" He asked, his voice soft and warm, like honey. I shivered a little under my giant sweater and quickly looked up at the board. I scanned the many titles until my eyes settled on a familiar name.

"What about Sinister?" I asked excitedly.

"I don't know…" Cry replied. "I've heard it's kind of boring."

"Please!" I replied defensively. "I promise it's actually really good."

"Alright, alright," Cry chuckled, shaking his head. "We'll see Sinister." I grinned and bounced excitedly on the balls of my feet.

"You've seen this, haven't you?" Cry asked, a smile on his face.

"Yeah, I have. Well… Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"I didn't really _watch_ it so much as listen to it from behind a pillow…" I replied in a conspiratorial tone, making sure not to let anyone hear.

"Seriously?"

"Shut up! It was really scary!" I scowled, hitting him in the arm.

"Okay, sorry!" Cry laughed, rubbing his arm. I blushed deeply and he laughed even more. "Sinister it is." He tugged me forward and addressed the woman behind the counter.

"What will it be?" She asked sweetly. She flashed Cry a big, flirty smile and the ugly green head of jealously reared up in my chest. Without realising I let my face sink into a deadly glare.

"Two for Sinister, please." Cry said. He must have noticed the way my body was clenching and tightening up in annoyance, because he twirled his fingers between mine and leaned in to brush a subtle kiss over the tip of my ear. The glare dropped from my face to be replaced with surprise and wonder. The little jealousy monster sunk away when the ticket girl pouted in defeat. A tiny smirked played upon my lips as Cry took our tickets and we moved along to the concession area.

Stars twinkled in my eyes as I gazed at all of the candy and popcorn and chocolate on offer. Cry asked what I wanted and I told him to give me a minute. He ordered his snacks as I eyed my options, but I didn't notice what he got. Eventually I settled on a packet of peanut butter cups, a large popcorn smothered in butter, a large blue slushie, a choc-top ice cream and a jumbo packet of sour skittles. I paid for my mountain of food and heaped it into my arms before turning to follow Cry into our theatre. I paused when I noticed the astonished, bemused expression on his face. I looked to see what he'd gotten and only saw a medium popcorn and a large soda. I blushed for the umpteenth time, but tried to shake it off. If Cry was going to date me, he was going to have to accept my love of junk food.

As soon as we entered our theatre I was eyeing off some prime seats right in the middle. To my dismay, however, Cry walked straight past them, toward the back of the cinema. I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off.

"Trust me, it's better further back." He said in a hushed voice. I huffed, but followed him anyway. As it turns out, it was better towards the back of the theatre. A big group of girls came in and sat just in front of where I'd wanted to sit, and by the way they were chatting animatedly and already squealing about how scary the movie was going to be, I guessed they would have been pretty annoying to sit near.

"Told you." Cry whispered, leaning close enough for his breath to tickle my ear, and I jumped in fright. He laughed and I sunk into my chair embarrassedly. "Jumpy already? This should be good." He chuckled. I screwed my face up at him and started eating my ice cream.

…

…

I gasped in fright, almost jumping out of my seat, and the group of girls shrieked as the movie jump scared us for the hundredth time. Cry smothered a laugh and I swatted him on the leg.

"As if you don't think this is scary!" I whispered, holding my popcorn box between me and the film. Cry shrugged nonchalantly and grinned.

"It _is_ scary," He said. "I'm just not as jumpy as you and the girls are." He winked and I shot him a dirty look, which he brushed off with another wink, followed by a flirtatious smile. I narrowed my eyes at him and set my gaze firmly back on the screen. I knew without having to look that Cry's eyes didn't leave me. I shifted uncomfortably under his stare and turned back to him.

"You're missing everything." I stated plainly. A small smile crept over his lips and he shook his head.

"What I'm watching is better than any movie." He replied, placing his hand on my thigh. There was none of his usual sarcasm and cockiness in his voice, no underlying flirtiness in his smile. Just plain affection, and it made my entire face go beet red. I pressed my lips together and looked back at the screen, too nervous and out of my depth to do anything else, but Cry didn't move his hand. Honestly, I didn't really want him to. I just had no idea where this date was going, and it was making me really nervous and stupid. After a few more minutes of not really watching the movie, Cry shifted his hand a little bit and I turned my head towards him automatically. I flinched a little when I came nose to nose with him, scant centimeters away from one another. I froze like a deer in the headlights. My eyes flitted anxiously across his face, my expression set into a frightened wince, as he took his hand off my thigh and placed it around the back of my neck.

"I have to confess, I had ulterior motives in choosing the darkest, emptiest part of the theatre." He hummed, his voice barely audible. A shiver ran up my spine and my world slowed down as Cry leaned forward, hazel eyes closing, lips parting ever so slightly, and kissed me. If my life was a dramatic romance movie, this would've been the part when colour exploded into my once black-and-white world and that heart-swelling music reached its crescendo. My cheeks were flushed and my breath was coming in quick, shallow gasps when he finally pulled away.

"You know," I murmured somewhat shakily. "I'm cool with that."

"Yeah?" Cry chuckled, a grin on his face.

"Yeah, definitely." I confirmed. And then I pulled him closer and kissed him again, the colours and fireworks no less dramatic than the first time.

…

…

"I had a really good time today. We should do it again sometime." Cry smirked as he pulled up in front of my house. I blushed and agreed. We'd gone back to Cry's house after the movies, since it was still fairly early, and the twenty minute trip there did little to dampen the lighting sparking through me every time we touched. Now I was sore all over and had more than a couple of love bites peeking out from under my collar.

"I'll see you tomorrow at group." Cry told me, cheeks pink.

"Yeah. I'm looking forward to it." I replied, moving to get out of the car.

"Felix?" Cry called, stopping me.

"Yeah?" I asked, blush rising in my cheeks for the billionth time that day, though this time it was out of affection rather than embarrassment.

"I love you." Cry murmured nervously. I climbed back into the car to give him a soft, tender kiss.

"I love you too." I got back out of the car and walked backwards up the mosaic tile path to my front door, waving as Cry drove away, filled with so much giddiness that I felt lightheaded. I drifted inside on legs like jelly, wondering vaguely if my oxygen tank was running on empty. I went past the living room, on my way to replace my tank, and my brother called out to me.

"How was your date?" He yelled teasingly. Normally I would've told him to shut up, but I was too happy to care today.

"It was awesome." I replied dreamily, and Jared turned around, halfway through insulting me or something, and burst out laughing.

"What?" I demanded, rubbing my collarbone and glaring at my brother.

"You've got a hickey! Oh my god!" Jared shouted, cackling loudly. That got my anger flaring.

"Shut up, you fucking asshole! At least I'm getting some! When was the last time _you _got any action?" I retorted, balling my fists and scowling at him. Jared stopped laughing and his smile turned into a glare.

"Fuck off! You _wish _you pulled as many chicks as me." He fumed. I scoffed and I swear steam came out of his ears.

"I'm gay, dipshit." I told him matter-of-factly, folding my arms over my chest and rolling my eyes.

"You little–" My face paled and I ran for the stairs as Jared vaulted over the back of the couch and came after me. I barely managed to slam my door shut before he reached me. I locked it just as he crashed into it. He bashed the thick oak with his fists and shouted obscenities at me for a while before he cooled off a little and decided I wasn't worth the trouble. I smirked victoriously and fell backwards onto my bed, coughing a little as the air was knocked out of my lungs. I frowned and rubbed my chest. My tank was definitely running low; the familiar tightening was starting up again, and I wondered just how much oxygen I'd used that day…

After I'd changed into my pajamas, just to make sure Jared had time to calm down, I unlocked my door and went downstairs for a new tank. I started to get a little worried when the tightness didn't ease completely. But I did have a pretty… strenuous day. I'd put a lot of pressure on my lungs, so I figured I just had to give them a little time to recover, like the rest of me.

I climbed the stairs slowly, being careful not to overexert myself. I felt a little lightheaded when I got into bed, but I ignored it and closed my eyes. I was dimly aware of the front door and mum's voice ringing through the house, but I didn't move. I wasn't sure I could have if I wanted to… I was so tired… The lightheadedness was getting worse and worse, so was the tightness, but I stopped feeling it after a few minutes. Mum came into my room and placed a kiss on my forehead, and a small smile spread across my face. I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I couldn't find my voice. I'd never been so _exhausted_ before. Mum closed the door as she left and I felt my tank slipping out of my arms, but I couldn't seem to move to grab it. By the time it thudded to the floor I'd already slipped into unconsciousness.

_**Cry**_

Tears stung my eyes and there was a hard lump in my throat as I tried to undo my tie with shaky, bumbling fingers. I was sitting on my bed, curtains drawn, filled with the worst grief I'd ever felt in my life.

It had been exactly seven days since I'd gone on my first real date with Felix.

It had been exactly seven days since he died.

Apparently the cancer had flared up and no one had caught it… The doctors had told him he was fine… That nothing had changed… But they were wrong. Everything had changed. And, although Ken was constantly reminding me that it wasn't my fault, I couldn't help but feel to blame.

If I'd just kept it in my pants, if I'd just… If I'd just taken him home then maybe he would still be alive. Maybe he would've been alright until his next checkup. The doctors would have caught it and everything would still be the same.

I knew, logically, that it was the cancer's fault that Felix was dead. That he would have died anyway, if a couple of days later, because there was nothing they could have done to slow it down. There never was anything they could do.

But maybe, just maybe… if I'd backed off. Then he would be okay right now. We'd have time to…

"To what?" I muttered. What would we have had time for? To spend the night in each other's arms instead of in different beds, in different houses? What would really have changed?

I glanced at now-empty medicine crate my parents had once kept in the cupboard above the fridge. My hands were shaking worse than ever and I was starting to feel lightheaded and more than a little unsteady. Carefully, so I didn't topple over, I crawled up my bed and curled up in a ball with my head on the pillows. I knew how many people I was about to hurt. How much more grief I was about to cause. But I was so beyond caring. I didn't fight as I started to drift off. I embraced the darkness washing over me. I just hoped it wouldn't be painful. Though, really, what could be more painful than losing him? As my vision blessedly dimmed, and my grip on this world started to fade, one final thought cross my mind.

_I'm coming, my love._

_**A/N:**____Phew, there we go! I was not expecting that ending, tbh, and I hope it's not too different from the original book for you. I'm sorry it took so long writing this too. It's kind of hard to sum up the emotions of an entire book into 6,500 words haha. But at least it's done now. I hope it lived up to your expectations, my friend! And I'm sorry about any grammatical or spelling errors; I can't be bothered editing this right now heh._


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